Condiment Blues

There are things that have been happening, but I find that I have no thoughts on them. I went into the DPS and applied for a replacement ID, which arrives two weeks hence. I found out that I can't get a library card because I live in Manor (stupid Manor). I went into Hollywood Video and asked about a job (again), discovered they have a full staff right now but will be hiring seasonally, which I said was perfectly ok with me. I have also been assigned chores since I don't actually have a job yet. The ones I hate (but will do anyway because I hate feeling like a mooch even more). I also finally got fingernail clippers after searching for them in vain the past- since I moved here. I used them to clip my toenails, which have been disgustingly long for about the same amount of time. Today, I drove for the first time on actual roads, and I didn't kill anyone. I drove from Jim's house to the Mexican restaurant about a mile away. This was actually pretty exciting because I did a decent park job (not perfect, of course). I learned from that experience that I am no longer allowed to make fun of Mom for always making jerky stops.

But I still have nothing to really say about any of these things, except that they happened. I have nothing to say because I feel blocked. Even though I'm getting all these things done, I feel like I'm in a rut. My life is moving and that's awesome, but the things I enjoy aren't coming to me right now. I mean, I can play video games and browse around on the internet. That's great. All kinds of fun. But the things I love above everything, writing and drawing. . . I can't get them to work.

I haven't drawn anything worth looking at in months besides TSL, and that doesn't even come easy. I've been trying to write, but mostly all I've done is delete or retool things I've already written. And it's infuriating to feel like everything I do has to be poked and prodded out, like I'm trying to force the last globs of mayonnaise from one of those easy-squeeze tubes.

Austin was supposed to be my new jar of mayo. I'm beginning to feel a little bit cheated.