Weird

I don't get the chance to do a lot of posting, and mostly that seems to be because everything is weird. Bad things, good things, other things. Everything just keeps mixing together in such a way that I find it impossible to expound on any of it.

Yesterday, for instance.

I got my History test back. The test always is always made up so that you choose one essay question of two or three, and five of six short answer questions. On the last test, I did amazing. On this one, not so much. I didn't answer three of the five short answers, and I wasn't really confident about any of my answers anyway. So on my test, the professor wrote "See me after class." So I did. He told me my essays were awesome and asked me what went wrong with this test. I explained how I'd gotten my very first job and that I was adjusting to how much time I had and I'd overestimated myself when giving myself time to study for this test. His response was that I was easily the best student in the class, and that I needed to make sure I got back into my groove before the next test. He said he would adjust my grade too, now that he knew what was going on.

On the one hand, it was disappointing to know that I was not properly able to handle my shit. On the other hand, it was really... uplifting? Uplifting to know that he considered me the smartest person in class, and that even if I didn't really like my answers, he did. Built confidence, you know?

And then I got home and downloaded the new maps for Halo, and actually got the game back, which was nice.

But I also got a call from Kendra Wolfe over at the Art Institute again. Now, I really really really want to go to this school. I do. But I can't. Not right now. When she calls to ask me if I've figured out my plans, I get this guilty, disappointed feeling down in the pit of my stomach. I'd love to call her back and say, "Yes, God, Yes! Sign me up, please!" Except that would be highly irresponsible. I'm not ready to deal with student loans just yet. I'm just barely making my credit card payments. And yet, I have to get up the guts to call her back and say it can't happen yet.

But it's still nice to know that they want me there, you know? She wanted to invite me to the open house that they're having this month.

And then there's this issue with the house. The government went and made the laws about foreclosure even more strict. When Mom moved back to Texas, she moved into the old house on Terrebonne with my ex-step-dad, Mike. They thought it would be a great idea to renovate this shitty house and rent it out. Except that fixing it up would cost so much more than if they had just rented it out in the first place. Because we couldn't really afford to do much of anything with it, and they had gutted the house so badly that it was deemed unlivable, the house had to be let go to foreclosure. It was under mom's name. It's been a few years since then. Mom wanted a house here in Austin, and we finally had all the plans laid out. By the time it would be fully built, the foreclosure would be off her record and we'd all be able to move in and work together to make the payments. Except now that the laws have changed, she can't get a mortgage and we can't move in.

This should be really bad. I mean, it is bad. But it doesn't seem like as big a deal as it should be. Mom's been strong about it. And truthfully, Samia and I couldn't very well have afforded to help much. Staying in the apartment here won't be so bad. Mom's already fixed it up and made it look like a home, and Samia and I will find a way to live with each other.

I really don't feel like I have the time for schoolin' anymore. That's bad. But I'll find a way to get things done. I always do (knock on wood).

So everything's just been... weird.