How disappointing.

[Don't Quote Me: Playing Politics]


I personally don't know exactly what to think about this. I should, but I really just don't.

The vengeful little part in me is crying out with righteous anger, but the rational part of me just whispers in that calming little way it has, "This is nothing new and not even shocking enough to warrant a petulant pout." Which is even more disappointing.

The worst part is that I understand, more than I wish I did, exactly why this is happening. Or at least I think I do. For all the comparisons gay rights activists make to women's suffrage or racial equality, in the average person's eyes, it will never look that way. It doesn't even look that way to me, and I'm a big ol' lady-lovin' fool.

The generic reasoning is, "How the hell do I know whether being gay is genetic or just a weird twist of the personality or a choice or a 'lifestyle' or something else entirely?" A woman is a woman. Most of the time you can see it right away (naturally, there are exceptions). A black is usually pretty obviously black. Most importantly, there's no question of their genetic difference from everyone else, while at the same time there's no scientific reason to believe that they are less than someone who has a penis or white skin. Hell, it might even be the opposite half the time, for all I know.

But that's not what people see or think when they think of a homosexual. Nobody really knows, or maybe is really willing to believe, that there's some genetic difference between gays and straights. And if there is, people who disagree with the way gays live their lives would just call it a disease. It wouldn't make anyone any less uncomfortable if it was proven. And what if it's not? What if it really is some bizarre choice or some combination of the guiding forces of a person's life that lead them to be gay or straight? The truth is, it doesn't make any difference at all.

Personally, I have no idea which it is. I don't really care. I know myself, and I know how I arrived at the general ideas I have about myself, mostly involving awkward, uncomfortable experiences that often merited, in my mind at those times, a great deal of self-loathing. But when you look at that uncertainty that so many people apparently feel, it's not the least bit surprising. And it's especially unsurprising when you think of all the people who are convinced that all being gay amounts to is a being of lustful sin. It wouldn't really matter how many times I contest that I've always had a thing for the ladies, ever since a little girl named Heather back in kindergarten. People don't care.

So what does it all amount to? I don't know. What worries me is that if it's not genetic or a choice, then all people are getting in a fuss about is other people falling in love. Or even just wanting to feel good and make someone else feel good. And why is that so incredibly wrong? What are they trying to save me from? What are they trying to condemn me for?

This has mostly just been a rambling rant, and I'm not really sure where I'm going with tjis anymore. But I guess I'll savage what I can by saying that the thing that bugs me the most is, if marriage is such a religiously rooted institution, why the fuck is the government still sticking their bloody noses in it instead of just doing the simple solution that Leigh once mentioned over drinks one night:

"I don't believe in gay marriage. Or straight marriage. I say abolish it and make everyone do civil unions. That way nobody's allowed to bitch about it anymore."