Coma

I have felt very hollow today. During fifth and sixth period I am usually a statue. I sit and stare at the maps or Mr. Rob's nose. I don't really wake up until seventh period, during English, and a second time during Photography class.

But today was not the usual. I was dead all day. When we were given the choice between shooting and developing, I made my partner stay in to develop because I knew I would just waste film shooting (which was very unfair to my photo buddy).

I came near to crying several times, possibly out of sheer irritation with myself.

It was like I didn't even exist. I barely remember the day at all. And during that time I just kept thinking about what has happened over the past several months. Losing friends, losing self and then suddenly, like a miracle, finding more than I ever thought I could. Relearning what matters is not an easy task. Realizing what I want, and more importantly, what I don't.

Flirting with the idea that I could fall in love regardless of age or gender, and realizing that I've been lying to myself all along to hold onto something I don't even care about. A secret attempt to please people, the very people who have said time and time again that they will love me no matter what, even if I find myself caring about people that don't.