I feel like I've had things exceedingly easy these past couple weeks. The concept project, which I was dreading, was simple to do (though I still don't want to present it in front of a bunch of people that I feel are mentally and spiritually my superiors- they're awesome kids), the report I was supposed to have given was completed in the span of a couple of days, and every other assignment has posed no threat to my ego.
Yes, I will admit, I have a bit of an inferiority complex. Probably from the ridiculous amount of procrastination I set my mind to. But anyway. . .
Beyond that I've just felt really. . . good. These is nice times.
I still feel like I've been shirking the person I used to be. You know. The little freshman that was so outspoken about the things she believed in. She's still there, reminding me that I should be a better person, and I've been ignoring her in favor of being talkative. Saying things I don't mean. Things I don't really agree with. I've sacrificed myself to become less introspective, but I can't really see that I've gained anything. I've become mean, deceptive, and all of the other things I previously denounced.
But at the same time, that little girl is still cheering me on, telling me "Hey, you there. Remember those debates you used to get into? Those were good. Those made you think. Start thinking again. You have it in you. You're doing it right now."
Thinking back on all the things I've been through lately (and by lately, I mean the past couple of years) I can see how it happened. And I can see more clearly than ever who I want to be. Who I know I can be.
I'll get back there. I won't be the shy, hateful misanthrope that I was back then, but I will be the thinker. It'll take time, but I'll get there.
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